I'm Whitening My Pearly Whites

I’ve been whitening my teeth. One day early last week, I stared at myself in the early morning mirror and realized my teeth had yellowed just a bit too obviously. I was upset by my yellowing teeth. Coincidentally, I had a dentist appointment that week anyway—I have to visit him three or four times a year for regular cleaning because a few years ago when I was younger than I am now, but older than I should have been then, I had to have periodontal work, which requires steady care by my regular dental care provider. We have become somewhat close in spirit in that office.

So, I asked my dental hygienist about teeth whitening, and she gave me a lovely sales talk. She offered me a sample, but what good is a single day’s sample if the whole treatment requires an investment of twenty-eight days and sixty two dollars? I bought the farm.

And now, twice a day for the next twenty-eight days, I wrap my teeth in these sheets, and bleach them clean. There is a certain vanity to the effort, I know, but in my vanity, I consider it less extreme than say, plastic surgery, or full teeth capping, or botox, or even Viagra. I’m just sitting here typing, watching the river flow, and whitening my teeth. No one knows, except now all of you.